Archive | April, 2010

Don’t waste time. Don’t be so silly next time.

I bumped into a childhood mentor a few weeks ago, who reminded me of the importance of forgiveness and the danger of holding grudges.  In interacting with her, I remembered my mom’s very wise words – ask not “why me” … but instead ask… “why not me”.And my grandfathers “if someone slaps you, offer the other cheek”.  After that day, I’d originally saved a ‘placeholder’ on forgiveness… but subsequent to my post on legacies, I think I have more to say on this and have modified the subject line.

Having lived and travelled all over the world, I often loose touch with people I care about and lets face it, I am not good at telling people they matter to me. It was with this in mind that a few months ago (July I think) I reached out to someone my mom had ‘adopted’ as a brother.  Nazy uncle.  They met in Jamat Khana in Sacramento in ’98 and became lifelong friends.  They lost touch in 2003, and my mom died in 2005.  In July of last year I reached out to him. We’d had a great catch up and we’d spoken semi-frequently after that.  The last time we talked – around christmas, he’d been gently furious that I hadn’t reached out to him to go flying or for lunch.  He and boyfriend are both hobby pilots, and Nazy uncle wanted to grant me his uncle-ly approval or dissaproval.  We’d laughed and he’d chastized me – why didn’t you just send an email to my office, they would have found me.  Don’t be so silly next time. He promised that next time I called, he’d fly up with his Su-Su and we’d all go for lunch.

So I’m in the bay area this week and today I googled his company to reach out to him, hoping he was in SD and we could meet somewhere for lunch over the weekend or catch up and found out that he had been killed in a small plane crash on Mar 12.  And I’m devastated.  I tried to go for a walk to shake it off… I emailed his brothers… I called my dad and sent him email links to the youtube memorial videos… it’s been 4 hours since I found out and I’m really shaky. So in absence of a paper journal .. I’m blogging. And while I could say: why do all the good people die… why do so many people in my life leave…  I’m not going to do that. I’m going to ask  – why am I so bad at keeping in touch, why don’t we tell people they matter when they do, how can I live up to the amazing example that our friend Nazy and my mom lived by. Because I can’t change others, but I can change myself.

I read an interesting article in the Vancouver Metro a few weeks ago about how we hide with social media. Couples don’t talk to each other face to face but sit in the same room texting, facebooking, chatting with each other.  And even though I’m in a long distance relationship, I guess that is true for us too. We get limited time together. Sometimes we have no choice but to chat, twitter, facebook, webcam… but sometimes we’re in the same space and do it anyways.  I’m trying a lot harder to tell people they matter. I’m not very good at it. I expect people to tell me I matter, but know how I feel about them without me saying anything.  That isn’t fair. It’s something to do with the fact that my myers-briggs is something between an ENTJ and ENFJ… but that’s no excuse. I’m still growing.  We all are.

I guess the point of this is that life IS short. Nazy uncle died doing something he loved. Flying. He found true love later in life. But when it came down to it, no matter what he remembered, no matter what had hurt him, he put his heart on the line and went after what made him feel good. One of the last things he said to me is “Don’t waste time, follow your heart,” followed quickly by “when can I meet him” and “would your mom have liked him.”  He was the true icon for celebrating life and living it to the fullest. Each moment made to count.

Nothing worthwhile in life has ever come easy. Life isn’t easy. Don’t be so silly. Tell people they matter.  You may not get a ‘next time’.

Image Copyright Victor G. Archer, Archer Aviation Photography, Art & Historical Archives.

This post is written in memory of my dear friend, Nazy Hirani who died on March 12, 2010. Nazy was a kind, gentle, motivational and inspirational soul who shared with me his love of flying, of helping people, and of being genuine.  Nazy died FLYING his Su-Su, doing what he loved.  Nazy is survived by his extensive family and a huge collection of friends who are all better for having known him.  I am lucky to be one of them.