May 8, 2020
Let’s start by saying that this is my opinion, and not that of my employer. 🙂 Personal. And written pretty raw, and from the heart. 100% Zafira. There are tips and tricks that I consider best practices, but those are from experience 🙂
2 years ago, I became a mom to a special needs little one. I was 8 when I decided that Adoption would be my parenting method of choice. At that time, I dreamed of adopting 16 children, of different races and abilities. Mind you, I also wanted to be a simultaneous Doctor and Lawyer. Some of you will say, HR is kind of like “Lawyering”, and let’s be honest, being sole care giver (and only child) to my dad has made me a uniquely articulate healthcare advocate. I guess at least one of those “childhood dreams” came true in some way!
COVID-19 brings to the forefront the challenges of being a work-at-home caregiver. Whether a single parent by choice or chance, parenting solo because your partner is still working outside the home or caregiving for elders – the pull of emerging priorities is very real. As an only child, I certainly feel that sandwich crunch. I’ve spoken with many friends and colleagues about the unexpected changes and challenges – and – first, I want to shout “You are NOT alone!” the whole world is going through this shift together – but sometimes hearing that isn’t enough. I thought I’d take a moment to share what it’s like for us – with a pre-schooler at home and an elder in care.
The focus of this post is Parenting & Working.
I’m still working full time – and I love my work and the organization I work for. But my work has definitely changed. There’s more of a focus on mental health, and supports for staff; and a lot of uncertainty from colleagues as their family situations shift and flux. I also have the little one at home – and younger kids need much more attention than little ones. He’s got some special needs, aside from being a preschool BOY!
Mini-me can’t pour his own milk, plate his own meals, or play on his own indefinitely. He *can* zone infront of a tablet, TV or video game – but that’s not my ideal way of parenting, and I have to be forgiving about those moments where I make those choices. Because my fiance works in Essential Services, we sometimes go 2-3 days without another adult to give me a break. That makes work a challenge – if I’m on a conference call, or a zoom meeting, he wants to pop in and say hi. He gets upset if I’m talking and he doesn’t understand the words. He doesn’t like when my colleagues cameras go on and off – And he’s insanely jealous of the laptop and my workspace. After 8 weeks of being home, it’s “please mama, please don’t work. Please mama, please just play with me”.
A preschooler needs a lot of stimulation – he needs outside play time, walks, running sports. He can’t read – so needs to be read to, and if he misplaces a toy, he struggles with guiding himself to find it. As with many “Torturous Three”-year olds, he doesn’t regulate his anger without guidance, he isn’t patient and he’s a non-stop chatterbox. (Still love him to the moon though!) During these exceptional times, I hear my little extrovert at night, muttering in his sleep – “someday I’ll hug my friends again. I miss my teachers, my friends. I don’t like corona virus.” Helping him understand is truly a work in progress.
Working in this new world is giving us glimpses into private life – in our compartmentalized world, this is something we don’t have history coping with – and while colleagues without children/elders or living alone seem genuinely understanding – in the back of every working parents mind is GUILT. Am I being a good parent? Will my child be “behind” because they’re at home? Are they getting too much screen time? and on the other side – Do my colleagues find my child irritating or annoying? Is my house clean enough? Is my child interrupting too much? Am I going to get a talking to about this?
My friends at Ranstad put out a GREAT article on supporting parents during the pandemic. I’ll highlight for you:
- Provide flexible hours – younger kids need constant supervision. I know I’m working “longer” hours, but it’s because I’m taking more frequent breaks to connect with the little one and help him as needed.
- Check in regularly – as a Manager, you may or may not have kids or elders to care for. Be open to understanding what it’s like for your employee so they can respond with transparency. Being a manager of staff with and without kids right now, I know my conversations with my team have changed.
- Consider every member of your team equally – your employee is still a whole person. Equal workload, time with their manager and expecting their typical capabilities, unless otherwise discussed, is key.
- Be open to connecting with the kids – This is the new reality. Without a sibling, my little one doesn’t have anyone else to talk to or guide him. And without a co-parent consistently – he doesn’t have anyone else to direct or re-direct him.
This is already quite long – so I’ll write another post about eldercare on another day 🙂